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My Field Trip

12/21/2013 9:31:00 AM

Tags: Country, Starting Over, Expansive, Susan Rutz

My Field TripSince my last post a lot of major changes quickly flooded my life. I am now divorced, 63 years old and starting over with just a Social Security check and two wonderful friends who saved me.

 They didn’t have, too. We are not relatives, just friends who have known each other for over 30 years and who, I found out, were actually angels in disguise. They moved my boxes into their home and welcomed a weepy, depressed, mess of a human being into their hearts.

Even with Cheryl’s encouragement, I was falling apart from the fear of tomorrow. I had visions of being alone the rest of my life; my imagination even conjured images of poverty, homelessness and hopelessness. I can report that I have found a new life in the country.

The farther we drove from the city, the more I relaxed and from the car window I watched rolling hills turn into dark soil plowed for planting. Fields became more prominent with each mile. Some held wheat ready for cutting, and some fields were planted with seed waiting for the spring harvest. My breathing quieted as I tried to soak in the colors running through the prairie grasses along the side of the road and into full size fields. So many colors within those strands, noticeable mainly when the wind teased their stalks revealing the gold meshing into a brown and then fading dramatically into a yellow-white.

I even drew a laugh from her when I passed a farm with several cows standing in the foreground, I said, ‘hello there cow’ and I swear I don’t know why I said it. It was just the mood I was in, relaxed, relieved and peaceful. The country has given me peace of comfort, as well as challenges. I’ve learned several interesting facts, such as, when you go camping and you have to pee, go over by the vehicle so you can hold onto the bumper or you might just roll over backward. Another point, when you’re in the position peeing – don’t look up at the stars or you might just roll over backward.

STARS! I have never enjoyed looking up as I have since moving to the country. I’ve been in the city so long; I had forgotten the wonder and sheer spectacular view of looking up at the heavens. I have witnessed the beauty of a sunrise, to the awe of sunset and afterwards a light show of immeasurable joy.

It has been a long time since I have felt joy. Divorcing is a hard decision to make and a painful situation to find your self in, but after 34 years with that one person, wow, this is the hardest step I have ever taken.

Water Towers HOTChanges are inevitable in our lives; there is no way around that fact. We pass from one change to the next every year whether it’s graduating to the next grade, accepting a promotion, getting married, or having a baby. There are too many examples to name them all. We change, that’s life. We age. We live and we die, facts all of them. Just knowing is not enough, we also need to know – how to change. How to make the changes and accept them; sorry, did you think I had the answer? Naw, I don’t have the slightest idea how to do any of this. It is a trial and error process.

I now live way out in the country, past the bridge that you can’t cross when it rains and just before you get to the two water towers of Canton marked HOT and COLD. Country folks have a great sense of humor (but don’t believe the Snipe Hunt routine).

It’s been three months now, and I have finally stopped crying. I will never stop hoping. I’ve seen a Sun Dog and I didn’t know what it was until Cheryl told me, and then I had to look it up online to make sure she wasn’t pulling my leg. I love this new life. It is peace, quiet and a constant source of amazement.

Be sure to check back and see how I am progressing on My Field Trip through country life and learning to live on my own again.

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12/22/2013 5:57:30 PM
D. Susan, It does get better. It's true that time heals the wounds. It doesn't eliminate the scars but the open raw emotion does turn into smiles again. It's so true that life is a journey of changes. My journey has brought me into the fourth and probably final season of life. Retirement has shown me a terrific change in life. I've been through a divorce at 30 with two kids to raise. At age 54 after 23 years of marriage, my second wife died leaving me with a teenage daughter to finish raising. One thing I learned was that my emotional strength was stronger than I thought and so is yours. Life will bring joy back again but just in different ways. Heartbreaking memories now will soften and just be sad memories in the future. The first year is the worst but each following year will get better and better. Trust me, been there done that. Having your angel friends is the best ever for you. ***** Have the best day that you can.

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